The Presbyterian Handbook

I am sorry that there was no post Friday, October 6^th. I spent the day getting one of my brothers to and from the hospital for outpatient surgery. The surgery went well and he is doing fine!

There are times when I do not want to think of theology or church politics. You can’t watch a baseball playoff game at the office. So, what is a person to do? I HAVE THE ANSWER! You need to get a copy of The Presbyterian Handbook, published by Geneva Press in 2006. That’s right… a book about the Presbyterian Church!

This gem of a book has serious stuff about the Presbyterian Church. It also covers wonderful subjects such as “The Five Grossest Bible Stories,” “The Five Weirdest Laws of the Old Testament,” “How to Avoid Getting Burned at the Stake,” “What to Bring to a Church Potluck (by region),” “How to Stay Alert in Church,” “How to Sing a Hymn,” and “How to Sing a Praise Song.” Does your church have Acolytes? Here is the book’s suggestion for acolytes:

“Some people may perceive tennis shoes with light-up soles on acolytes and other worship assistants to be disruptive. If possible, coordinate the color of the shoe lights with the season of the church year to avoid undue flak.” (Page 33)

There are those who don’t like what you or I have to say about the PCUSA, worship music, or whether the Oakland Raiders are the worst team in the NFL. They may want to burn us at the stake. The book has two main suggestions if this situation exists:

“If you find yourself in a situation where being burned at the stake poses an imminent threat, try wearing flame-retardant material. If there is no hope of escape, request dry wood and plenty of dry kindling. Green wood burns slower, smokier, and at lower temperatures, causing a more painful death.” (Page 64)

The Presbyterian Handbook is a must read for every Presbyterian!